Unconscious of Myself

I know that the “I” stands for idolatry, but as I walk around with it pinned to my shirt I worry that others see it as a sort of shameless self-proclamation. “I!” “Here I am!” “I! Look at ME!” If it were an “A” or a “B” it would be better, but the labeling of myself as “I” makes me very conscious of myself, of my own presence, my own agency.

I’m not normally very conscious of myself. And as I’ve processed what it means that I’m not normally very conscious of myself, I’ve begun to realize that being unconscious of myself is huge part of idolatry. The idolatry of self is not the flagrant, open worship of me. Instead, a much more subtle and rampant idolatry of self is the belief that “I” am the unstated norm. Instead of being one of many of God’s creations, “I” am the unseen vantage point from which all else is viewed. “I” am the one who never has to be labeled but who labels and assesses all those around the unseen me.

And the tearing down of that sort of self-idolatry means being conscious of myself as one of many. It means realizing that “I” am really just one of a “we.” And that “I” am incomplete without all the others of God’s creatures that make up that “we”…including Patrick, who “I” plan to execute next week.

The Idolatrous “I” is the “I” who renders herself Incomplete by murdering others that make up the “we” that gives the Individual her meaning.

-Sarah